I haven't blog for AGES! And I do have a reason for that. A very corny cheesy reason but it's a reason none the less. And I'll be telling you that reason later on in this post! For now, let's update on what has happened or happening in my life (very wordy post with little pics! So be prepared!) :
University Entrance Exam
I've just had my big entrance exam on Sunday and Monday. I didn't study at all 'cause this exam just isn't that important for me. We have two entrance exams and the second one is my goal so this one that I just finished is not really important so I couldn't be bothered. But my mum takes it seriously so I had to pretend to study when I'm actually slacking big time.
Me and Heather at the school in which the exam was held
It was finally the last day of exam so we decided to cam whore. But people kept on popping up in our photo so I decided to just censor them out later.
And you'd think that now I'm surely gonna start studying for the next more important exam right? WRONG! I still can't be bothered. I'm like that last exam just ended, please give me a break. It's winter holidays now! But my mum still kept on nagging at me for not studying right after I came home from the entrance exam and I'm like I NEED A BREAK GOD DAMN IT!!! I know you're like "break for what? You didn't even study and was slacking big time" actually I just need a break from all the stress, pretend study, text books, and my mum nagging at me 24/7.
Winter Holidays
Only thing I can say about this year's winter holiday is :
Really damn boring. I'm grounded for 6 months, so basically I can't go anywhere. Though I can if I really want to. My mum's out working for the whole day on weekdays so I can sneak out of the house. But the problem is : go where? Heather's grounded too. And her family's sick so she has to take care of them. I can't go to her house cause her mum's home. I don't want to go to Ximending alone cause seriously, how lonely is that? My house is near the night market but obviously, night markets open at night right? And my mum comes home at night so yeah.
So basically, my winter holiday life goes like this everyday :
*wake up
shower
computer
eat
computer
shower
eat
TV
sleep
Repeat *
It's like this everyday. I guess it's peaceful? But not exactly either. Which brings us to the next thing I'm gonna share with you guys :
Heartbreak
CORNY CHEESY MOMENT!!!
OK, so I've been through a major heartbreak recently. And I don't want to sound like a girl trying to act so emo and talk like she knows all the philosophy of love and stuffs. But let's just say I fell in love with the wrong guy at the wrong time. He kept on hurting me without even realizing it.
I used to hear a lot of stuffs people say about heart breaks, but I never understand them. I thought that maybe they're just being dramatic. But now I truly understand. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and the pain just gets worse. I felt embarrassed, low and worthless. I felt used, taken for granted and then thrown away. I felt like I don't deserve any good things in the world. I couldn't stop thinking about him, wondering what's not good enough about me. I kept getting teary or crying or feeling down at random times. I'm sure I drove Heather and Michael crazy by never stop talking about him. Both of them tried to knock some sense into me but with difficulties. I was blocking off any form of sense completely.
For a long time I didn't feel like doing anything. I was at the point where I hated everything and everything just seemed boring and pointless to me. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. That's why I hadn't blog for so long. I could relate myself to any sad love song but role my eyes every time I hear a happy love song. I completely lost myself. Even Heather couldn't exactly understand me, and that's saying something considering we're always together and we know each other so well, we could tell when the other bff is gonna fart. I'm not lying.
Until one day I just went and told the guy that I liked him. He flipped out. But to my surprise, he gently rejected me. He told me he's in love with someone else. He said we can still be friends. I told him he's been hurting me since a long time ago and he said sorry.
While on my way home, I got teary. But at the same time I felt relieved and awake. I felt like a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can finally let go, move on and go back to being myself again.
I don't know what caused this feeling of relief. Might be the clear realization that he's not gonna love anyone other than the girl he's in love with. Might be my feelings that I finally let him know and the words of rejection he gave me. Might be the "we can still be friends". Might be the whole closure thing we had. But what I know is, it's time to put a stop to this madness. And though at times I still check if he's on facebook, what's he up to lately. Did he call or had he texted me? Will he stop talking to me anyway despite what he said. I realized that I just don't care that much anymore. I've started wanting to cook to try something new, do chores to make my house look fresh, play sports to get back in health again, and make my clay food stuffs to create new things that I can be proud of. I just want to keep myself busy. I've started to become happy again.
I can't say I'm completely fine now, but I'm healing.
And I still end up posting shit loads of cheesy corny stuffs anyway :/ whatever
And right now my winter holiday life routine has changed to :
wake up early (around 9-10 o'clock)
go walking / jogging in the park
shower
cook
eat
computer
shower
eat
making clay stuffs / knit
read novels
sleep at 11 pm
Not much change, but at least it's better than before.
And by the way, right now I'm in love with this song :
"Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys ft. Nicki Minaj
This song just......I dunno, makes me feel strong and better after what happened.
And I like the lyrics too :
[Nicki Minaj]
Spirit of Marilyn calling me, audibly
Bawling she, said that she would never leave
Continued to torture me
Telling me to come with her
Underneath my comforter
And she brought a gun with her
Pills and some rum with her
Took me on the balcony telling me to jump with her
Yeah I’m in the ghost but I ain’t doing stunts with her
I ain’t tryna be that haters wanna see that
But I got ‘em aggy cause I win the gold like Gabby
[Alicia Keys]
She’s just a girl and she’s on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway
She’s living in a world and it’s on fire
Fill with catastrophe, but she know she can fly away
Oh, she got both feet on the ground
And she’s burning it down
Oh, she got her head in the clouds
And she’s not backing down
[Chorus]
This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She’s walking on fire
This girl is on fire
[Alicia Keys]
Looks like a girl but she’s a flame
So bright she can burn your eyes
Better look the other way
You can try but you’ll never forget her name
She’s on top of the world
Hottest of the hottest girls say
Oh, we got our feet on the ground
And we’re burning it down
Oh, got our head in the clouds
And we’re not coming down
[Chorus]
This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She’s walking on fire
This girl is on fire
[Alicia Keys]
Everybody stands as she goes by
Cause they can see the flame that’s in her eyes
Watch her when she’s lighting up the night
Nobody knows that she’s a lonely girl
And it’s a lonely world
But she gon’ let it burn baby burn baby
[Nicki Minaj]
Dear God, If you’re here God
Make the fire disappear when they stare God
Take away my fear when they interfere God
Do you fear God? Cause I fear God
And in my backyard, that’s a deer, God
And that’s a horse ranch
And to my core fans keep repping me
Do it to the death of me
X in the box cause ain’t nobody checking me
[Chorus]
This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She’s walking on fire
This girl is on fire
Oh, oh, oh…
She’s just a girl, and she’s on fire
Ironic. I still remember while shopping with Heather, the store was playing this song and I was like "what a song" and Heather was like "She's on fire then help her la! Still sing"
HAHA we were two silly girls.
Oh and Heather has a new video! And I'm in it! Check it out!
And I realize I kept giving the evil eyes AGAIN! Why?! I never meant to! I'm not that unfriendly ok? I dunno why I keep doing that either :(
Anyway, that's all I have to share!
See ya! 8D
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