Introverts and All You Need to Know About Them

           Lots of people view introverted personality type as a weakness, a flaw. My whole family on my dad's side definitely does. Every time I stay over at my dad's, that's what he and all my other relatives would try to train me out of. They would tell me to get out there and talk to people, get the hell out of my comfort zone. Everybody would tell me, "You won't get anywhere in life if you're so introverted." Well, here's the thing:

1. We Take Our Time.                    

 We take our time, and a little bit of coaxing but not too much. Its fine to ask us to step out of our comfort zone, just don't come off too strong and forceful. My family would always ask me to get out and get out NOW, and that would always back fire. The more you rush us, the more stressed and scared we're going to be, and that'll just make us retreat farther back into our bubble. Don't rush us, we'll get there, you just need to let us do it in our own pace.

 

2. We're Not Completely Mute

We can talk to people, we just don't like to. My dad genuinely thinks that I can't talk to strangers at all. Obviously, that's not true, since I've worked in McDonald's before and my job was to talk to countless strangers. It's not that I can't talk to strangers, it's just that I prefer not to if I can choose. If I can't choose, like if there's a job interview, I will talk to people and have a long conversation if I have to. 

3. We Choose Who to Be Extroverted With

There are two people in my life that I am completely extroverted with, and that's my best friend Heather and my mom. I'm not even extroverted with my dad, hence why he thought I'm mute. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and my dad moved out, so I don't get to spend much time with him and he doesn't know me very well. I have quite a few friends who I can/used to chat with for hours, but with them I don't completely turn on extrovert mode. Even some of my close friends I don't completely open up to. This is because I only do that with people who I trust and know for sure that they won't judge me and that they understand me the most. Introverts only have a few friends who we are very close with and trust completely, and we'd like to keep it that way. Having a lot of friends just sound exhausting to us.

4. We Have Time Limits for Socializing

I have time limits for when I talk and socialize with people, and the more of a stranger you are to me, the more limited our time is. Just last week, a woman asked me about taking the bus to Yangmingshan at the bus stop because she's never went there before. My University is on Yangmingshan and I was going to class, so I told her which bus to take and we had a friendly chat about Yangmingshan. We chat for 10 minutes until our bus finally arrived. We both got on, but I chose the seat a couple of rows behind her. She seemed a bit confused as to why I didn't sit next to her when we were just chatting happily a few seconds ago. I didn't dislike our little chat; in fact it was quite nice. I just didn't feel like chatting with her for the whole 40 minute bus ride. 10 minutes was the time limit, and I was starting to feel drained and overwhelmed and wanted to take a step back. It was time to retreat back into my bubble, and it was no offense to her. Believe us when we say the infamous phrase: "It's not you, it's me."

 

5. We Enjoy Being Alone 

You know how extroverts hate being alone? Well, introverts love being alone. For extroverts, being with people makes them feel energized. But for introverts, being with people makes us feel tired and drained. Being alone doesn't make us lonely. We like being alone, but it doesn't mean we're a loner and hate people. In fact, I enjoy being alone and enjoy the company of friends occasionally. It's like phones and batteries. When we're out socializing, after a period of time our batteries get low, and when we're alone we recharge. Some people feel alive and hyped when they're out with people, I feel alive and thrive when I'm alone. 

6. You Need Us in Your Life

My family (a very big family too; 2 parents, 11 aunts and uncles and 8 cousins) consists of 99 percent talkative extroverts. The other 1 percent? Me! That's why all my relatives keep trying to get me to be like them, because I'm the black sheep in the family. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but they need me and they don't even know it. They keep telling me to be more talkative, but they keep coming to me when they want someone to talk to. Why? Because since I'm not a good talker, I'm a good listener. You can tell that someone's not really listening if they give you short and vague replies like "oh" and "I see". Some people not only don't listen to you, they even cut you off. People like to talk to me about what's bothering them because I listen, I don't interrupt, and I give thoughtful replies and even suggestions if I'm feeling confident. Everybody needs an introvert in their life because we listen, and not a lot of people are willing to do that. Can you imagine a world with only extroverts and everybody talks but nobody listens?

Introverts are not always shy or timid. If you're talking about people who don't go out and talk to others at all. That's not being introverted, that's having social anxiety, and it's not the same thing. Being introverted means you enjoy having your own space being in your own thoughts and getting creative, it doesn't mean you hate people or that you're anti-social. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, if only people can understand us better. 

My Typical Weekend

 This is how I typically spend my weekends.

I used to wake up at around 11 a.m. However, nowadays I wake up naturally at around 8 to 9 a.m, so that's weird but also good. 

First thing I do once I wake up is drink coffee

 I used to only stay at home on weekends unless I have plans to go out with friends. But at one point I decided to live a more healthy and active life and not be so lazy to do anything anymore, so I made a decision to at least get out of the house once a day; and not just out to the convenience store beside my house, but actually walk a small distance away from home. So every weekend, I'll accompany my mom to the super market about a 15 minute walk from home, then to the fresh market which is another 10 minutes. 

If it's sunny out, we would take the park route

My favorite aisle: desserts 

They sell instant microwavable pancakes that I've been tempted to buy and take to my morning classes

Just random pictures of groceries

After we were done shopping for necessities (with the exception of cakes), we would head home at around 10 a.m, put away the groceries, then cook and eat lunch. 

At around 3 p.m I would start to get hungry again, but it's way too early for dinner, so I'd have some cake and green tea. 

I'll snack away while coloring in my "adult coloring book" as they call it. Some say people who color in these coloring books are pretentious. Personally, I love anything arts and crafts, as any of my close friends would know, and I find that coloring in these books takes my mind off things and it always makes me happy when they turn out great.

After I've procrastinated enough, at around 5 to 6 p.m I would start on my assignments.

Typically, I'm done by 7 p.m. Anymore than two hours and I'll start getting irritated and unmotivated, which ends in rushed assignments. After that it's dinner time and shower.

At around 8 to 9 p.m, I'll be done with everything. I would've showered and ate and finished all my chores, which means it's another relax time before going to bed. What I do during that time is watch some comedy series (I'm into The Big Bang Theory now) with a hot glass of milk. I'm weird in a way that I find it very hard to fall asleep during weekends, it's as if my body thinks that I didn't do enough to be tired on weekends so I shouldn't fall asleep so easily. That's why I always drink a glass of hot milk, which makes me extremely sleepy like a baby, just so I can fall asleep as soon as I finish it. 

At 11 p.m, I would be too sleepy from the milk to keep watching any more episodes, which means it's bedtime. 

That's what I typically do on weekends. Pretty boring, but I just thought I'd share. 

What do you do on weekends?

Being Single While in a Relationship

We're on a break.

I believe being alone is a part of being in a relationship.

Last Wednesday, my boyfriend and I had not so much a fight as a discussion filled with disappointment. Then on Thursday, we tried to talk it out. I know that I was in the wrong this time, so I apologized. However, it wasn't a good talk, because both of us were still smarting from yesterday's conflict.  We had thought that just by talking it out, everything will be resolved and return to normal. In the end, not only did we not resolve anything, we made things worse. Since we were both still fuming from yesterday, we weren't talking with love and care, but with anger and disappointment instead. To put it simply, both of us were trying to explain ourselves, but neither of us were willing to understand each other. Even simpler: both of us were talking, none of us were listening. 

After the talk on Thursday, we had thought that we're good now; simply because I asked, "we good?" and he answered, "we good." But we were not good. Through Friday, Saturday and Sunday, we would talk on the phone like usual. What's unusual, though, was the atmosphere. It felt like a rock was stuck in between our relationship, but we just couldn't find it. Our phone calls, though frequent, were cold and distant. The atmosphere was heavy like solid. Many times we just sat there holding our phones listening to each other breathe, because we knew we had to say something but we didn't know exactly what.  What else could we say? It felt like we had said everything, it also felt like we said nothing. 

Then I understood what was going on. He hasn't forgiven me, and that in turn made me unconsciously feel like a convict. Sometimes just an "I'm sorry" is not enough, which is the case here. And he has all the right to not be okay, it's not his obligation to forgive me. However, we weren't giving him a chance to move on by calling and suffocating each other everyday. 

So on Monday, I called and told him to give himself some time to think about whether or not he can forgive me. Otherwise, we're just gonna spend everyday calling each other out of politeness and a sense of duty, and it's exhausting. He agreed, and thus we've stopped contacting each other until now. Today is Thursday, so it's been three days since we had any contact at all. 

You might think it's been hard. Well, it hasn't been a breeze, but I won't deny that I've been enjoying the "single-phase". Don't get me wrong, I do miss him, but being alone without having to think about when he's going to call or when I have to call and having my own time to do my own stuff is good. Also, we both get time to really think about what was happening the past week, and what we're gonna do after this. Sometimes, we get caught up in all the turmoil of being in a relationship that we get confused. And when we fight, all we would be able to think of is "I'm gonna try to resolve this and make sure we don't break up after this while still giving him/her a piece of my mind." It sounds confusing, because that's how we're feeling and that's what we're making things turn into: confusing. When we're in a relationship, and we fight, our immediate instinct would be to "hold on like there's no tomorrow", and that doesn't help.

Once a while, you feel the need to be single while in a relationship, just so you can decide whether if you prefer to stay single or get back in the relationship. Giving each other a break gives each other a chance to be able to think more clearly about what's going on and what we should do. Right now, I'm waiting for his decision, and after that I'll give him mine. For now, I try to enjoy being single while in a relationship.